Heard the news about János the evening before our trip. First, I was in disbelief and shock of the sudden passing of my beloved mentor and friend. The grieving process kicked in during the road trip from California to Oregon as I told John about the impact János made in my life, the lessons I learned from, and stories shared with him. I wept in the car as I told years of memories and wept to sleep for the first few nights of our trip.
When there's life, there is death. It's that simple. Still, we are never prepared for the passing of our loved ones. It's hard not to wonder, what about those things we hadn't done yet? When I moved away from San Diego exactly the day after the last Soirée for Music Lovers concert, I dreamed to become someone who could impact others and shared the pure joy of creating music with others as much as the way János did for me. I hoped to come back as a better pianist and play music with him on the same stage again. What now? It feels like parts of our dreams shatter when the person who influenced and supported the dream is gone.
I never finished this particular journal.
Rationally, I know the answer to "What now?" We grieve, celebrate the life that's passed, and move on with life. The best thing I can do is to pass on the similar impact to others and be a friend and mentor J was to me, in remembrance of him.